Wrestling with the master

21 02 2011

I am the one getting my butt wopped

Back in the day I was a top notch wrestler… Yeah that is right, my siblings and I used to have our own official wrestling matches.

I was invincible.

All I had to do was give them a wedgy then it was over. They could consider themselves pinned.

But now it is not so easy. It seems that the game has changed. I can no longer pretend that a pillow is a chair anymore. I am in a battle to the death right now and my wedgy tacktic is not working as well as I hoped.

Who am I wrestling?

God

God and I have been in a tussle that has lasted for about two years. It hasn’t stopped.
I have cried, pleaded, and even bartered to get what I want in ministry and for the pain to stop, but I have yet to get my wish.

He keeps on allowing me to be punched straight in the gut which results in me standing there defenseless unable to absorb the heavy blow.

This fight is not staged like the WWE. It is a fight where emotions are tested, tried, and exposed. One feels like crap, but they keep going.

I continue to be pushed wondering if they can ever fight back.

I have always thought about Jacob’s wrestle with God. I can’t imagine how exhausted he was. God, confidently, knowing in the end he would win as Jacob barely held his own. He pushed himself to the point of exhaustion then finally God ends it and breaks his hip.

I can just hear Jacob now.  Wow thanks for that I wrestle you all night and I still break my hip.

Well this is where I am at. Fighting with much frustration, hurt, and a jumble of other emotions. Hoping that some day the fight will cease, and I may luck out by not walking away with a broken hip.

I am in process of working through the brokenness and this fight is an opportunity to grow closer to God..

How is your fight going?

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6 responses

21 02 2011
Kyle Reed

Kam, I hope that you know you are not fighting alone. In fact you have several in your corner waiting to be tagged in to fight with you.
Remember what I said a while back, we all need a fight.

keep fighting

21 02 2011
Kyle Reed

Kam, I hope that you know you are not fighting alone. In fact you have several in your corner waiting to be tagged in to fight with you.
Remember what I said a while back, we all need a fight.

keep fighting

21 02 2011
scarletcordministries

I am trucking along my brother.

21 02 2011
Jason

Kamrie, my heart is just breaking for you. What you’ve been describing here has basically been my normal day for years now. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t mentally hear the sound of my face’s skin peeling up from the rubber of the mat I just fell upon.

Sometimes you fight even after the broken hips and many other broken bones. I actually envy sometimes the people who God has allowed to walk away from the fight because usually at that point He starts doing some awesome things.

I’ve heard great things about you from people here in Nashville. They talk about you in glowing terms as a young woman sold out for God. I know it’s hard now. But I KNOW you can get through this and that in the end God has something ready for you.

21 02 2011
scarletcordministries

Thanks for the encouragement, Jason!

1 03 2011
Jenny Ecklund

I love how this blog really comes from the heart. There is a need for a fight, we are wired for it. A fight is a blessing, we get to see God work in our lives, each move He makes is strategic and original.

And Unlike the WWE fighters as pictured, God’s not going to leave you down… He’s going to pick you up, cradle you and tell you that you are His treasure.. because you are.

Praying for you.

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